How to Know If He Loves You or Lusts You

How to Know If He Loves You or Lusts You [Expert Advice]

Emotions can be very hard to understand. And you might be at risk of suffering from the embarrassment of mixed signals or being true to someone who is only offering you false emotions.

At such times, it becomes important to understand how to know if he loves you or lusts you.

There might be a certain person who has been showing you special affection that others around you are not receiving from him, and you may be wondering how to tell if a man is falling in love with you so you can be sure.

You may also be confused as to whether or not he wants you for more than your body but your heart and soul too by seeking to understand the signs it is more than physical for him.

By the end of this article, you will have a firm answer to your questions and without a shadow of a doubt know whether the man in your life who you are falling for or have fallen in love with feels the same way or deserves your love.

With no further ado, here is how to know if he loves you or lusts you.

How to Know If It’s Love or Lust

Love and lust can be like two sides of a coin if you do not understand how to look closely.

To avoid getting your heart shattered by developing deep emotions for a man who is not looking for anything serious with you, it becomes imperative to understand how to know if he loves you or lusts you.

There might be someone in your life that has become special to you. You may find yourself feeling a certain way about this person that feels a lot like love.

But you want to be sure; and understand how to know if your feelings are real.

Love is not always like it is presented in romantic comedy movies and novels. You are not always going to be floating on cloud nine and having show-stopping moments of romantic gestures with them.

Nevertheless, that should not make you believe that disrespect and differential treatment are the chronicles of real love.

Here are some vital pointers on how to know if it’s love or lust.

1. You Think About a Serious Future Together

If you find yourself thinking about the future, and your plans include this man then you are most likely in love.

Whether living in or getting married and having children, settling down in wherever he might be living, thinking about how you are going to juggle working various jobs and having time together.

All these serious thoughts about the future, if they involve this person then it is a strong sign that your emotions are those of a person in love.

On the other hand, if your thoughts about this person in your future only include the many things that you would like to do or like him to do to you in the bedroom, the shower, and wherever else your imagination leads you to, then you are not in love.

Rather, you have a strong case of lust on the brain.

Now, this does not mean that when you are in love, you only think of praying with the person you love nor does it mean you should be as attracted to them as one is to a wall or a mannequin.

No, you can have passionate attraction towards the person you love. The difference is that this is second to more serious considerations about your future plans with them.

Look at the current object of your affection and ask yourself the question,  “Can I have a serious future with this person or not?”

2. You Do Not Idealize Them

Idealizing someone refers to having a false impression about them. Imagine your favorite character in a movie or book. This person is an ideal, a figment of your imagination.

Just like when you go to your social media, such as Instagram, and see picture-perfect frames of your favorite musician or celebrity.

Their lives are presented in such an alluring way, seemingly without any flaw, and you just fall in what you think is love. But that person, again, does not exist.

Your imagination has just put together these perfect pictures to create an ideal of a person and you fall in love with that person who, in reality, is unlike who you think. Truth is, you don’t know them at all.

This right here is an idealization.

There might be a certain person who has caught your attention. You see them from time to time looking hotter than an erupting volcano.

Every time you interact with them they feel like a dream. And you think they can do no wrong.  These are emotions associated with lust and an easy answer to the question, “How do you know if you’re in love or infatuated”?

But, if you see this person looking scruffy and exhibiting most of your pet peeves, yet they still seem as attractive as they did when they were not then you know that your emotions are more than lust.

3. You Try Your Best To Avoid Fights and Drama

If you find that you are willing to avoid arguments and drama and air out any miscommunications as peacefully as possible then this is a sign that you are in love with your person of interest.

But if you find out you enjoy noise, fighting, breaking things, breaking up every week, and all the drama that comes with unnecessary quarrels just so you can enjoy the carnal benefits of making up later then this is a sign that your relationship is not only toxic but it is based purely on nothing more than lust.

4. You Go The Extra Mile To Make A Good Impression On His Loved Ones

Lust is a selfish emotion, love is not. When you are in love, you find yourself wanting to make a memorable and positive impression on the people that are important to the person you are with.

The difference between love and infatuation is you will find yourself constantly checking on his family and friends, going to birthday parties of his siblings, and staying to clean up afterward, visiting that sick uncle or cousin of his and bringing food just to make this person happy.

If all you care about is hanging with him and being alone with him, and you are unconcerned or even irritated by his family then this is a clear sign that no matter how deep the emotion you are feeling is, it is not loving, it is lust.

5. You Express Yourself and Your Thoughts Without Bias or Fear

The thing about lust is that it makes you want to please your partner. You find yourself lying to make them happy.

From simple opinions about the movies you enjoy to the food you like to whether or not you want to stay in or go out, you will find yourself lying and become the person that your partner wants you to be.

When it comes to expressing opinions about things that you do not like about them or you disagree with, that’s also out of the question.

You will find yourself saying yes to the things that they say yes to and no to the things that they disagree with. This is one difference between love and lust.

 Unfortunately, you can only pretend for so long. Eventually, the fake bubble of perfection will burst. This is a major reason for many terrible breakups today.

How to Tell If a Man Loves You Or Lusts You

There’s someone in your personal life who is interested in you and this interest has you wondering how to know if he loves you or lusts you.

Does he just want your body or is he interested in taking good care of your priceless heart? Does he just want you for the idea you present or is it interested in seeing, knowing, and loving what lies beneath your beautiful?

It can be shattering when you realize they never loved you. To avoid catching feelings in a relationship that is not as serious as you may believe it to be or to simply understand the depth of a person’s affection for you, it becomes important to know how to tell if a man loves you or lusts you.

1. Allowing you a VIP Pass Into His Life

If the object of your affection remains a mystery to you when it comes to sharing aspects of their personal life and yet you are familiar with every inch of their body, you can tell your relationship is mainly physical and he is not interested in anything other than your body.

It also goes beyond him knowing aspects of your personal life, although that is a great start.

If you are familiar with his body; and physical with him but are not privy to information like what is troubling him with work and family or if he will be traveling, moving, or making other big decisions and changes then he is only passing time with you.

If you cannot talk to him about your day because he is always busy or would rather “do other things with you” you have one of the signs it is not love.

You may even find yourself being convinced that you are rushing things or being difficult, this is gaslighting and a sign your relationship is unhealthy.

2. Going From “Hello” To “Be Mine” In No Time

It can be very flattering to have someone falling for you in a short amount of time, especially if you have been single for a long time, recently broken up, or just tired of being alone.

But hold your horses and remember that good things take time and the romanticized concept of love, at first sight, is based on raw lust and infatuation.

So, take your time and understand that, no matter how strong what you are feeling is, love cannot happen in a matter of days or weeks, and what is quickly lighted will burn out.

3. Introducing You To His Family or Important Friends

If he tells you it is not yet time for you to meet important people in his life, such as his parents but, surprisingly, has time to get physical with you and familiarize himself with your body then this is not one of the signs of love in a man.

If you’re looking for some signs it’s more than physical for him, he will not keep you a secret from the people that are important to him, you will never have to question your position in his life nor convince yourself that remaining in secrecy is somehow beneficial to do sustainability of your relationship. It is not.

4. Devoting His Time To You

Beyond flowers, chocolate and pound sterlings are the most expensive currency of all and that is time.

One of the signs he loves you deeply is he is willing to dedicate his time to you, especially when you need him urgently.

He will be excited and willing to hang out with you, when he is fully aware it will not lead to anything carnal, without you having to whine or beg.

If he’s always busy when you want to have a conversation, frustrated with you when you want to talk about something on your mind, but happy and ready to participate when it comes to intimate activities you have your answer on how to tell if a man loves you or lusts you: this man does not love you.

5. Handling Disagreements and Fights

When you are arguing with your person of interest, notice the way he responds or reacts to you.

Does he listen to what is on your mind and troubling you in order to pacify you and solve whatever the problem might be or does he consider you to be a drama queen?

Does he release a heavy sigh and tell you things like “not today”, “don’t start'” or say you are being dramatic when you are trying to express how you are feeling?

If you answered yes to this how to know if he loves you or lusts you quiz, this person does not love you.

A person who avoids mental and emotional confrontation from you, who is passive-aggressive when you are having a disagreement and who would rather avoid you and go to bed angry rather than find a solution or talk about the problem at hand does not respect nor love you.

How to Know If Someone Is Not Into You

It can drive you to the edge of insanity and toss you over when you are trying to understand how a person really feels about you.

You might be receiving some mixed signals from a man that makes you wonder how to know if he loves you or lusts you.

You might also be wondering how to tell if a man is falling in love with you or if these signs and signals you are receiving from him are not just a figment of your imagination.

Is he in love with you or not? Find out by understanding how to know if someone is not into you.

1. He Desires Every Passing Skirt

Being played with in an affectionate manner, especially by an attractive person or someone who you have are interested in can be a very exhilarating feeling.

But, if this guy is doing the same thing with other girls in your presence or absence, it is clear that this person is not into you.

Reason being that a man who is confident enough to show that level of affection is also confident enough to establish a solid relationship with you.

So, if he’s leaving you hanging and just keeping up with you from time to time, no matter how exciting it is to hold their attention for that moment, it is clear that this man is not interested in anything special with you.

You are just like the other objects of his passing affection and hold no special place in his heart.

Do not waste time pining after such a man because his behavior is a striking difference between love and lust.

2. He Discusses Other women With You

You may stop plucking the flower petals now, he loves you not if he discusses other women with you or, even worse, asks for your advice concerning his relationship with another girl.

One of the signs of love in a man is that he would never ever, under any circumstance, ask for love advice from you regarding another woman.

If he’s talking to you about another girl who is giving him heartache and asking for your advice on how to settle a quarrel between him and the other girl or how to ask her out then he is not into you.

Rather, he sees you as a female friend whose perspective and advice on other women can greatly benefit his love life. In other words, you have been friend-zoned.

3. You Meet-Up At His Own Convenience

One simple and potent guide on how to know if someone is not into you is if he makes compromises to spend time with you and show you how important being around you is to him.

Are your work and your time less important than his? Is he only open to meeting up whenever he is free (according to his own definition of the word free)?

Would he rather spend hours on a video game than on you because he needs to rest? Then it is a no to your pressing question, “Does he like me?” and a sign that you may need to plant your love in another man’s garden.

4. He Makes No Effort To Console You

One of the signs of love in a man is that he will want to console you in times of grief or whenever you are upset.

If you find that you are in a position that requires consolation and this person is indifferent to your pain, anger, and sadness, it is a sign that he is not only unkind but that he is not into you.

You need not only lose this person as a love interest but also lose him as a friend. To bee candid, you deserve much better.

5. He Is Fine With Not Communicating With You For Long Periods

An easy guide on how to know if a man is falling in love with you is to watch how he is unable to be apart from you for a long period of time.

This is not to say a man should be obsessively checking up on you and displaying a stone age level of possessiveness of you, but he should check up on you a healthy amount of times.

If you have been receiving radio silence from him and wondering if he is secretly expecting you to text him, the answer is a big fat no.

In fact, he is most likely hoping you will not contact him anymore and disappear quietly from his life forever.

Any man who cares about you, no matter how busy, will check up on you once in a while.

If your person of interest is fine with not communicating with you for weeks and even months then he is not into you at all.

Sometimes, this person may even be putting in a conscious effort to avoid you or not contact you to make you get the hint.

It is better to move on classily because frankly, such a childish and immature behavior will never provide you the level of happiness and maturity that characterize a stable relationship. Ever.

6. He Does Not Try To Impress You

How to tell if a man is falling in love with you or is romantically interested in you is to notice how he behaves in your presence. If he tries to impress you with the way he dresses and the likes then he is interested in you.

But when he barely acknowledges your presence, does not care how he acts or dresses in front of you, and is on his bad behavior when you are around then it is clear that he is not into you at all.

How to Know If a Guy Is Doing TimePass

Is your relationship-building up to you walking down the aisle or are you just there to provide him company and entertainment for the time being?

To answer these very important questions about your future with the man of your interest, you must fully comprehend how to know if he loves you or lusts you.

 It can shatter the very foundation of your sanity after investing yourself emotionally into men when you realize they never loved you.

 To save yourself, your time, and your happiness it becomes very important to fully comprehend how to know if a guy is doing timepass with you. Take a gander at the following pointers below.

1. He Contacts You Only In Times Of Need

If he goes long periods of time without contacting you only to pop in with a hello asking how your day has been and if you two can meet up somewhere, only to ask for a favor or something else moments later, know that his request did not come up as a second thought but was the driving factor for him contacting you. 

When a man truly loves you, he will be more interested in what he can provide for you and not what you can provide for him.

2. He Goes AWOL Often

One of the signs he loves you deeply is he will not disappear from your life without explanation or a heads up.

One of the ways to know if a guy is doing timepass with you is that he will disappear without reason and appear days, weeks, or even months later and expect everything to be fine between you two.

He will even guilt you into believing you are in the wrong for not being understanding of his constant unexplained absences.

If you try to be the bigger person in a relationship and accept the person back into your life, they will no doubt pull another disappearing act on you or even get tired of you because you do not challenge them.

Either that or you will get frustrated with their unchanged behavior and leave.

The inevitable truth is you are wasting your time on a train that is headed to nowhere. It is best for you to alight at the earliest stop once you realize this.

3. He’s Still Talking To People

Another easy way to know if a guy is doing timepass with you is that he will still talk to other people.

Even though he is aware that it bothers you, he will remain friendly with his ex’s and be very open to talking to new people as well.

This is the hallmark of a man who is passing his time with you and only sees you as his backup. If you notice this behaviour and you are hoping that you could love him into changing, know that this is a waste of your time.

4. There’s a Reluctance to Commit

The only constant in life is change. So if your relationship is in stagnation then it is important to consider the way you are headed for you may be floating in a bubble.

The problem with floating in a bubble is that years may pass with this person and you will have experienced no growth and development.

If he does not see a future and is not planning to have a future with you then you must ask yourself if you are okay with an unserious relationship with a man who sees you as a timepass.

If not, it is time to move on to better prospects.

5. He Takes You For Granted

The time you spend together in a relationship should build mutual respect not decrease it.  

If he becomes entitled to or indifferent to the good things you do for him in your relationship, if he begins to neglect his duties as a partner and reduces you to someone who spends each passing day questioning her worth, it is time to have a serious conversation about your relationship and make decisions about the status of your relationship.

6. Your Instinct Constantly Tells You To Leave

Your instinct is a spiritual thing that can tell how to know if a guy is doing timepass with you or not.

One of the signs he’s in love with you is that he will offer you security. If a man is wasting your time, your instincts will constantly try to warn you to leave.

If you happen to have a nagging feeling of insecurity then your subconscious may be trying to tell you that this man is not where your happily ever after lies.

There are significant red flags that we ignore when in the bubble of romance. Your subconscious notices these things. It may be time for you to listen.

7. There’s a Lady In His Life Who Keeps You At Alert

There’s a certain lady in his life who, more so than others, keeps you on your toes. This person may be his childhood best friend or someone of the sort, and his relationship with this person makes you question your position in this man’s life.

If he assures you that there’s nothing with the lady in question and that happens to be the only thing wrong with your relationship then you may overlook it. But if there is another yellow and red flag in your relationship then it may be time to critically consider if it is worth continuing a relationship with this person.

Also, as time passes, you may realize that you are not as compatible with someone you thought was perfect for you before, due to lust and infatuation. This growth is a part of adulthood, embrace it.

8. He Left Another Lady For You

If you don’t have a lot of experience with men you might consider it to be a flattering thing when a man abandons another woman that he’s in the relationship with for you. You might think it is because of your charm or that you were so irresistible that he could not help but leave her for you but, it is a sign of how undependable and untrustworthy a man he is.

Know this, a man who leaves another woman for you is fully capable of not just mistreating you but leaving you for another woman. So, if you find yourself in a constant state of agitation over a man and feeling unstable in your relationship then it is a sign that this person is not fully committed to you.

9. He Has One Foot In And One Foot Out In Your Relationship

A quick and easy does he love me or is he using me quiz is to ask yourself if your partner sometimes showers you with so much affection and attention you begin to feel like the only woman in the world then suddenly he flips a switch and treats you as indifferently as one would a stranger.

Just as you begin drowning in a sea depression, wondering where the man who loves you has gone, he pops his head like a rabbit out of a hole to shower you with his attention and affection once more.

A man who behaves this way is unsure about you and hopping between thinking you’re the best thing for him and questioning why he is not with something better.

10. He Is Reluctant To Commit

One easy solution to the question of how to know if a guy is doing timepass is to consider the status of your relationship. If it’s unclear, then your guy is doing a timepass with you.

A man is reluctant to commit for two reasons only. One, he is not sure that you are the one for him and he’s keeping his options open.

Two, he is afraid to lose his independence to you. Either way, a man who is worried about these two reasons is not ready to commit to you and simply considers you a comfortable timepass.

How to Know If He Loves You Or Lusts You Quiz

If you are finding yourself in a state of confusion on how to know if he loves you or lusts you and you need clear call answers on the nature of his feelings for you than a quiz might be just what you need.

The feeling of romantic emotion can, most times, have your relationship sailing away on cloud nine with no clue as to the direction in which you are headed.

Is there a happily ever after to your relationship or is it, basically, just to satisfy his physical needs. Find out more by taking this how to know if he loves you or lusts you quiz.

1. The Commitment Quiz

Commitment is the pillar of any romantic relationship. An easy how to know if he loves you or lusts you quiz lies in the following questions,

  • Is it unclear as to whether or not you are dating?
  • Have you been dating and dating and dating with no sign of a ring in your future?
  • Have you been engaged for the longest time with no wedding plans on the way?
  • Does your partner tell you that this unsatisfactory nature of your relationship is somehow beneficial to both of you?

If you answered mostly yes to this quiz then your partner is not in love with you and only wants you to satisfy his baser desires for surface level intimacy and companionship.

No amount of patience and loving will change his mind and the status of your relationship with him.

2. The Communication Quiz

Communication is the foundation of any relationship in life, and a successful relationship hangs in the balance of having steady and smooth communication with your partner.

A vital how to know if he loves you or lusts you quiz lies in the following questions,

  • Does he call, text, and visit you often without you having to be the one initiating the conversations between the two of you?
  • Does he constantly shower you with compliments and words of encouragement?
  • Does he ever speak to you in a way that makes you feel disrespected, offended, and less?
  • Does he tell his trusted family and friends about his feelings for you instead of keeping you hidden like a skeleton in his cupboard?
  • When you talk about your feelings, does your partner listen carefully and try to understand what you’re saying instead of trying to make out with you, trying to change the topic and leaving the room?

If you answered no to any or all of these questions then you need to end things with him now. This man is merely using you and toying with your feelings.

Your emotions are very valid yet he will gaslight you to make you feel you are asking for more than you deserve when you are asking for your basic rights on your relationship.

You are likely to get yourself very hurt, depressed, and more if you continue this toxic relationship with such a person.

3. The Romance Quiz

Next up on this how to know if he loves you or lusts you quiz is the romance quiz.

What separates a romantic relationship from a platonic relationship or a friends with benefits relationship is romance. Look at the following questions below,

  • Does he ever take you to the movies? If yes, do you spend time watching the movie, or does he only want to make out with you as much as possible during the time frame?
  • When you are with your partner, do you feel like the luckiest woman on earth instead of only feeling like making out with them or, worse, like you are a ghost whose presence is not felt?
  • When you are upset does your partner try to calm you down and console you instead of telling you to stop being loud and dramatic, trying to make out with you and tell you how hot you are when you are upset?
  • Have you ever hung out for a week with your partner doing activities such as going out to the museums and parks, staying in and watching movies without getting physical at all?

If your answers on this how to know if he loves you or lusts you quiz were mostly negative then your partner is only heavily infatuated with your body.

If you are okay with this casual fling with someone who only wants you for your body then you make continue with your relationship.

Otherwise, it may be time for you to move on and end things with such a person.


How do you know if a man loves or lusts you?

This is a decision. Such a man will never do anything to hurt you because they will be after what they give, and not after what they get in return.

What does it mean when a guy lusts you?

It is lust when a guy is after your looks and body, also interested in having sex and not making plans nor having a genuine conversation with you

How do you know if it’s love or attraction?

Love is usually genuine and it motivates you to be a better person while attraction describes looks and sexual appearance. Feelings are basically attraction, from having an interest in someone to admiring them sexually

How do you know if you’re lusting?

You’re totally focused on the person’s looks and body, also you’re interested in having conversations like sex and not talking about the future.

Here lies the end of your journey towards understanding the nature of your relationship with your partner. You now have your answer on how to know if he loves you or lusts you.

Whatever the case may be, do not give up on love nor settle for less than you deserve. Do not forget to leave a comment on how this article helped or your relationship experience. Also, share this to be of great help to others who are burning with questions on the nature of their relationship.

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  1. My boyfriend is younger than me and when we’re together he talks about other women and he wants to make me feel jealous about it and he has a mood swing.

    1. I hope you are not imposing yourself on him since you said he is younger?

      For a guy to discuss other girls while you are around, may indicate that he has lost interest or it may be his way of making you feel that you are lucky to have him. It might be far from what you think! We all know how “I am the girls’ type” kind of guys behave.

      The mood swing could be because of what he is currently facing at work, home, school, or among his peers.

      I’ll like to advise you to not let your emotions dictate to you because situations like this can go awry if there’s no proper emotional management.

      Secondly, I’ll say you check the reason he’s always after you getting jealous. Check within! Check if you’re doing something he doesn’t like, maybe you are not giving him enough attention or don’t communicate love and affection proportionally.

      You can take out time to ask him for the reason he does that, make him understand that you’ve noticed how he makes you jealous. Don’t forget that communication is the soul of every relationship. Don’t bottle your emotions.

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