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The first cry of a newborn baby often brings smiles, warmth, and joy. Many couples jubilate and celebrate the new bundle of joy added to their union. Yet, with this addition comes new responsibilities, obligations, and lifestyle change – Oh! And that word ‘change’! Countless nursing mothers have been known to complain, “I don’t know what the matter is, but my husband changed after baby.”
That complaint from new nursing mums seems a strange accusation and one might be tempted to ask why a husband should change merely because of a good addition to the family. On the other hand, a man might place the blame on the wife, saying she is the one who changed, while the woman insists, ‘No, my husband changed after baby.’
Unfortunately, trading blames does no one any good. The truth is that too many husbands cannot really comprehend the impact of both pregnancy and nursing a new baby has on a woman’s body, emotions, and overall wellbeing. So if a woman says, ‘my husband changed after baby,’ he needs to be serious because she is trying to pass a message across.
The woman could be experiencing baby blues or even worse, postpartum depression, which she finds hard to understand. Couples, therefore, need to jointly prepare well ahead for adjustments and changes. Though it is almost impossible to cover all grounds, sufficient preparation will prevent excessive conflicts, and my husband changed after baby will be less heard from nursing mothers.
Dear new mum, this post, My Husband Changed After Baby: Solve it with These 20 Genius Steps will prepare you for the journey ahead and guide you on what to do when the joy and newness of having a baby wears off. Here goes!
Table of Contents
Feeling Neglected by Husband After Baby
Often, it seems that friends and family members, and even new dads focus more attention on the new bundle of joy. A colleague calls the new dad on phone and asks, “So how is Sharon doing? Hope she doesn’t cry so much?” Dad laughs and says she is fine. They both go on to other talks. Then maybe when he is about to drop the call, the colleague says, “Oh, by the way, regards to your wife.” Why will the wife not cry out, my husband changed after baby?
Before it was the wife that always came first, now she comes towards the end of the conversation! It’s just natural for her to be feeling neglected by husband after baby. The feelings of neglect can easily overwhelm a woman to the point that she says, ‘my husband changed after baby.’
To be fair on the new dad, the euphoria and joy, coupled with the fact that the fragile newborn needs great care and attention can make him overlook the fact that his wife needs attention as well. Most times, issues that make women say, ‘my husband changed after baby’ are not intentional acts from their men.
It is easy for a wife to be feeling neglected by husband after baby if he sees his wife merely as an adult, who can do things by herself. After all, she can cook if she wants to eat, walk to the toilet to ease herself, bathe, and feed herself. But the husband forgets that due to childbirth the wife needs tender care as does the baby. So, dear new mum, please if you are feeling neglected by husband after baby, we have you covered as follows:
1. Be open and honest about your feelings: As kindly as you can, let your husband know how you feel. Due to the mood swings and effects of hormones on the emotions, a woman’s feelings can vary like hot, cold, warm, and frozen all-in-one in the space of a single minute. Let’s assume you both have been having more arguments and disagreements since the baby arrived.
Your husband’s withdrawal can be a reaction to the friction going on between the two of you. Assure your husband that the short tempers are not about him but the influence of hormones on you. This will lay all misgivings to rest and put him at ease that you have nothing personal against him.
2. Nothing should be cast in stone when it comes to chores and duties: Couples can bend over backward when it comes to chores in the home. Duties, chores, and responsibilities are the easiest sources of conflicts in the home after childbirth.
Since the addition of a new baby often doubles the chores and duties to be carried out, you and your husband can be flexible with regards to who does what and which duty is better for each of you.
As time goes on, you can review the duty template following the baby’s needs (one-month will be different from seven-month-old) and other demands on the home front (e.g. work and career).
3. Appreciate every little effort: You have to admit that parenting is not easy – both for you and him. Consider that if you are feeling neglected by husband after baby, there is every possibility that he is also struggling at his end and maybe even confused. He might be looking for ways to cope with the pressures and expectations of parenting.
Something as simple as rubbing his back and saying “thank you” can go a long way to boost his morale and gradually bring back the warmth of connection and respect. Appreciating every little act is a step in the right direction to enrich your relationship.
Some women go as far as writing an appreciation letter to their husbands just to express their gratitude. It’s one great way to add a romantic spark into the monotony of diapers, feeding bottles, and baby’s cries.
4. Set time aside: Amid the hustle and bustle, it is good for couples to set them aside strictly for each other, no matter how short. Your commitment to each other, your relationship, and the willingness to be together through it all are what counts at the end of the day.
Your time together might be in the evening when the baby is sleeping or your husband can take some time to sit by you as you breastfeed the baby. Just find time to connect alone.
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5. Bring in a reality check: Tell yourself that feelings come and go. Each time you are tempted to start feeling sorry for yourself, or you find yourself throwing a pity party, put a stop to those negative thoughts and realize that feeling neglected by husband after baby is just what it is – a feeling, not the reality.
If you still have the love and support of your husband (even though you guys have disagreements), then you are in a good place, a good reality. The bad, negative feelings will pass so don’t dwell on them. Think positive, it breeds positive feelings and improves your mood.
My Husband Changed After Baby and I Am Feeling Left Out
A woman’s hormonal fluctuations account for things like mood swings, low energy, quick tempers, anxiety, depression (postpartum depression), etc. A man that doesn’t understand this might be quick to complain my wife is moody after baby and the wife will say, ‘my husband changed after baby,’ if she doesn’t realize what is going on with her body.
Baby blues (caused by hormonal fluctuations) are normal, and most women get over it some weeks after delivery. The important thing is to realize what it is and snap out of it as soon as possible to prevent it from deteriorating to postpartum depression.
Generally, emotions tend to distort our views and a wife can think my husband changed after baby and I am feeling left out when in fact, the husband did not change; the feelings are what makes her think she is being left out.
It is good to put at the back of your mind that new addition to your union shouldn’t mean a disruption of marital bliss. You both were doing fine before the baby came along.
Dear new mum, please banish thoughts of my husband changed after baby and I am feeling left out from your mind so that your family can continue being in harmony.
Find ways to snap out of the baby blues and enjoy life with your family as you should. Here are some ways to do so!
6. Go out: To better manage your emotions, fresh air can be a lifesaver. So, take an evening stroll, go to the park or the mall. You can even go and see a friend nearby or a family member (if your husband is home or just go with the baby). Going anywhere different from the comfort of your home can improve your mood even if it is for about 30 minutes or an hour.
7. Reach out to others for help: If you are overworked and pressed, it is better to reach for a helping hand. You can ask for help from close friends or family members (like an aunt, your mum, or his mum) to help with the baby. For house chores, a maid is very much in order, to reduce strain on your recovering post-baby body.
8. Take care of yourself: You are all you’ve got. No matter what, find time to sleep, and rest your body every day. Eat a balanced diet, drink a lot of water, and take medications, multivitamins, and supplements recommended by your doctor.
Fix your hair, look good. Have a plan for each new week. It gives your mind something to work on so that you are not so much weighed down with emotions and boredom.
9. Connect with loved ones: Remember to keep in touch with your friends and family. Don’t let the girlfriend chats stop. Call your siblings and be on social media on a moderate level so you don’t feel like the world has left you behind.
10. Keep the communication lines open: Always let your husband know when the mood swings are really bad so that he can know how to help. However, medical personnel suggests that if the baby blues or mood swings extend beyond eight weeks, it is better to let your doctor know what is going on.
Mishandled and prolonged baby blues can lead to postpartum depression (which is another kettle of fish entirely that you don’t want to go near).
Disconnected Husband after Baby
It cannot be overstated that a nursing mother’s life hugely revolves around her newborn and this particularly tells a lot about couples who used to do everything together before the baby came on the scene. Learning to find the family balance is very important or else it will lead to feeling my husband changed after baby.
It is easy for a wife to claim that her husband changed if she is unaware of the subtle ways she might be pushing him away. Since her maternal instincts make her dote on the newborn, she might be left with a disconnected husband after baby. The husband can become withdrawn and disconnected, if he feels like he is having to beg for crumbs of his wife’s love because the baby is now the center of her world.
Being deprived of attention might not be the only reason a wife has a disconnected husband after baby. The new routine of feeding the baby, changing its diapers, cuddling the baby, and everything else that will keep the newborn comfortable is absolutely tasking, even for the brave-hearted.
And let’s not forget that regular house chores still need to be done (dusting, cleaning, mopping, laundry, dishwashing, etc.) and cooking too!
This entire new workload and some unexpected ones in between can be stressful for couples who are not well prepared for it. Both new dad and mum might be unable to balance roles and expectations very well, which can lead to frustrations, tantrums, neglect, and excessive conflicts.
Dad might become a disconnected husband after baby while the new mum is crying, ‘my husband changed after baby.’ As a new mum, when your emotions are overwhelmed and think you now have a disconnected husband after baby, here is what to do.
11. Show care: You might indeed be tired and even grumpy from the demands of nursing the newborn, but still, show that you care about your husband very much. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t bother reading about having a disconnected husband after baby. We caught you!
12. Probe him gently: To find out if there is any issue bothering his mind, maybe work, finance, health, or family-related. Fatherhood changes a man and if a husband is moody after baby, something could be weighing him down especially with the added responsibility of a new mouth to cater for.
13. Rekindle intimacy: Out of tiredness, women often sleep off while trying to cuddle the baby to sleep. Intimacy is the strength of your bond as a couple. Even if intimate intercourse does not take place, just sleeping in each other’s arms and cuddling can restore fondness to your union.
14. Rekindle discussions: That you both used to enjoy before the baby came into the family. Your husband can become withdrawn if the only discussion between both of you now centers around the baby.
Bring up issues like a pending building project, challenges at his workplace, the little chit-chats that you used to have together, and other family concerns that have become almost forgotten.
15. Start a new hobby together: This is one way to refresh your connection with your husband. A new hobby means both of you are discovering fresh ideas, thoughts, and concepts together. It makes you spend time with him and take your mind off baby and family talk for some time.
How Having a Baby Changes Your Relationship
Is it him or is it me? He used to be so romantic; our relationship was the envy of our family and friends. So what has changed? Is he cheating on me? Am I imagining things? Dear new mum, are you wondering why my husband changed after baby? Put your mind at rest and stop worrying; everything is okay. It’s all part of the parenthood package.
Change in a couple’s relationship dynamics is an unavoidable aspect of parenting. At times it will seem as if you are falling out of love with baby daddy but you want him to show care and attention. At other times, you don’t want your husband to touch you at all. Mood swings! It is part of how having a baby changes your relationship with your partner.
Change is the only constant thing in life – some good, some bad. Before you can offer a way out of a situation, you need to identify the issues at hand. Dear new mum, in case you are still not too sure about how having a baby changes your relationship with your husband, we are glad to spell them out for you.
Once you can point at the specific change in your relationship and home, as occasioned by the baby’s birth, you are well on your way to finding the solution.
16. Routine Disruption: It is merely stating the obvious when we say that having a baby changes the routines for both you and your husband. You used to sleep between 9 and 10 pm daily but all that has to change because most babies are active at night and therefore tend to keep their parents awake a good part of the night, even into the early mornings (for some cranky babies).
The new dad will at the very early stage forget the Friday boys’ hangout, so he can be home to help with the newborn. All routines will be affected, from daily to weekly and monthly routines especially in the first few months. This is one important change that needs getting used to.
17. Priority Displacement: With the entrance of a new, totally dependent human being in your lives, the things that used to be priority will naturally shift positions. Many times, you have to be ready to forgo afternoon naps, long uninterrupted sleep at night, ‘me-times’, and at times, if money is tight, the baby’s immediate needs will override some household or personal items when you go shopping at the mall.
Even many energetic, upwardly mobile career women have been known to halt career progression (for some years) for the sake of nurturing the little one and be stay-at-home mums. Some dads too take paternity leave to be able to parent their child.
18. Intimacy Setbacks: A baby should ideally bring the husband and wife closer since it is a beautiful fruit of their passion. Sadly, it is not so in majority of the cases. Two people who used to tell each other everything and were always together now have a third person who seems to consume all their time.
Intimacy is one thing that gradually but surely leaves many marriage unions after childbirth, except the couples consciously work on keeping it alive. This accounts for the huge statistics on separation and divorce that take place right after having a baby.
Some couples especially in traditional African families will continue to grow apart as more children are added to the home, till they mature to start their own families too. At this point (decades later), the parents experience the empty nest syndrome and realize how their love has been on the children only, to the detriment of their intimacy as a couple.
19. Change in intimate relations: Often, procreation is the last thing on the mind of a new mum, with her body recovering from childbirth and her hormones still trying to find balance. If the couple had been intimately active before the baby, this is a change that the two adults have to adjust to.
They will have to find points of compromise for intimate satisfaction as soon as the woman’s body is strong enough for any intimate activity.
20. Discovering Difference in Parenting Styles: You both indeed have different family backgrounds and life-shaping experiences, but you decided to have a family together despite your differences. Yet these differences can become obvious as you might find out that your partner believes the baby should lie asleep on the stomach while you prefer to lie him face up.
Issues like rocking a baby in the rocker as against cuddling him so he can stop crying; giving breast milk versus formula feeding; or even something as simple as the type of clothing for the baby, can become great sources of conflicts and arguments.
Hence, It is good to prepare for how having a baby changes your relationship by discussing them beforehand and setting parenting standards.
Dear new mum, now you have 20 genius steps to help you navigate the ways of having a baby changes your relationship and how you can handle those changes instead of feeling neglected or left out.
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