Breaking up with someone you love can be inevitable despite your feelings for them, but breaking up doesn’t mean it has to remain that way. The no contact rule is a known method to get your ex back, which raises the question “does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?”
This article covers everything you need to know on how to successfully execute the no contact rule but before we tackle the question, does the no contact rule work if you were dumped? We need to first understand what the no contact rule is. The no contact rule simply means zero contact with your ex.
- No calls.
- No texts.
- No hangouts.
- No social media interactions.
Absolutely no contact with your ex after the breakup for 30 – 90 days. Now you’re scared 30 days is too long, don’t worry let’s dive into why the no contact rule works and answer the burning question, does the no contact rule work if you were dumped?
Table of Contents
Does the No Contact Rule Work on Men?
You’re ready to give the no contact rule a chance but does the no contact rule work on men? It does and here’s The Horrible Truth About the No Contact Rule.
1. Taking back control: Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped by your boyfriend? Yes, it does, when a man breaks up with you, he has taken control of the relationship and which direction it goes, you probably believe your opinions no longer count but that’s not true. The no contact rule is the perfect way to take back control, you’re giving him want he wants but not the way he imagined it, you’re advertently becoming the dumper and making him the dumpee.
2. Time solves everything: Men and women are different yet similar in certain aspects like missing a person they love. If your breakup ended with bad memories, the no contact rule is crucial in helping both you and your ex grieve. With time and zero communication, your ex will stop dwelling on the negative and start reminiscing about good times.
3. Not obsessing over him gets him stressing over you: How does the no contact rule work on men? It plays on both their mind and emotions. Your ex broke up with you but instead of begging for another chance, you cut off contact with him, and during the no contact period you’re focused on everything but him. This will not only leave him confused but worried that he made a mistake when he sees how amazing you’re doing.
No Contact Rule Male Psychology
If you’re not convinced that the no contact rule works on men then let’s talk about the no contact rule and male psychology. The male mind responds better to reverse psychology, this means that you do the exact opposite of what he wants, the key to this is focusing not on him but on becoming a better version of yourself. Without further ado, here’s all you need to know about the no contact rule male psychology.
1. Post-breakup ego: We previously discussed the male power complex, when a man breaks up with you, he believes he has power over you, the worst part about this is his reaction after the breakup. He’ll get along with other girls, say, and do things that’ll hurt you.
Your job is to not let this phase get to you, don’t be in a rush to contact him, that will only give him bragging rights instead keep to the no contact rule and soon he’ll be wondering where you’re and why you’re okay without him.
2. Leave him guessing: You’ve taken control of the situation, you’re now the dumper and he’s the dumpee, this turn of events will leave your ex confused. He thought he had power over you because of your feelings for him but instead of begging for a second chance, you’re doing great.
When he realizes that none of his antics are bothering you, the fear that you no longer care and have moved on with someone else will set in, he’ll get paranoid about what you’re doing and who you’re with.
3. Post-breakup anger: You not reaching out to your ex will eventually lead to him getting angry over the fact that you’re doing fine without him. This phase is one of the hardest you’ll have to endure because he’ll say or do things simply to get a reaction out of you.
He might say hurtful things about you to your mutual friends, send messages, or even try dating someone new but don’t let this rile you up, he’s simply trying to reconnect with you, unfortunately not in the best way. To successfully maneuver this phase get your mutual friends to not talk about your ex, and dismiss any form of communication with him.
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4. Regret phase: Since throwing a tantrum didn’t work, your ex will feel guilty about his behavior. Once regret sets in, your ex will start to come to terms with the breakup and realize that he can’t have you and has probably messed up his chances of getting you back.
This stage is very delicate as it depends on how deeply your ex cares for you, men are stubborn by nature and a proud man won’t want to reach out first and if he’s the insecure type, he might be scared to talk to you. Wait a minimum of 30 days before talking to your ex, the purpose of this period is to help him realize the depth of his feelings for you.
The no contact rule male psychology is quite simple no matter the type of man your ex is, just do the opposite of what he would expect and keep to the no contact rule. It won’t be easy but if you can successfully complete this period, you’ll have your ex not only missing you but working hard to get your back.
The Female Mind During the No Contact Rule
Does the no contact rule work if you were dumped by your girlfriend? The answer is yes, and if you’re wondering what goes on in the female mind during the no contact rule, we have the answers. While female psychology differs from males, the no contact rule affects them nonetheless. Here is what goes on in the female mind during the no contact rule.
1. If she’s the dumper: Your girlfriend took control of the relationship and said no more but you want to win her back then don’t pester her with calls or messages, a woman breaking up with you is a sign that she’s either fed up, in need of space or losing interest. Whatever the case might be, the no contact rule is key, women are emotional by nature, no matter the negative feelings she has for you, giving her space will help reduce the tension between you.
The no contact period is the time for you to reinvent yourself, changing your bad habits, and focusing on building yourself physically and emotionally. While you’re doing this, your ex is slowly starting to wonder why you’re not reaching out to her, her first reaction to this will be with anger or hate. She’ll feel she was right to break up with you, she’ll believe you don’t care, once this phase passes she’ll start to get curious about what you’re doing, she’ll check your social media, and ask about you from mutual friends.
If you’ve been focusing on growing during the no contact period then your ex will not only be impressed by your achievements but this will also help her realize that you’re worth giving another chance.
2. If she’s the dumpee: If you broke up with your girlfriend and she cut off all communications with you after the breakup, there’s a good chance she’s practicing the no contact rule. If you’re curious as to what’s going on in the female mind during the no contact rule, the answer is easy, she’s either thinking of getting you back or not.
The no contact period allows your ex to think about what went wrong with the relationship, if the problems can be fixed and whether or not the relationship is worth giving another chance. Your ex will be focused on becoming a better version of herself, she’ll be spending time away from you and on the things that make her happy.
If during this period you haven’t made any efforts to win her back or changes to show that you’d like another chance, there’s a high probability that she’ll leave for good.
A woman is unlikely to break the no contact rule to contact you first if she’s the dumpee but if she’s the dumper, she will find ways to contact you either through your mutual friends or by social media.
5 Signs the No Contact Rule is Working
Having doubts about the no contact rule? Then here are 5 signs the no contact rule is working.
1. Your ex is asking about you: If you’re following the no contact rule the right way, soon enough your mutual friends with your ex will find ways to bring him/her up in conversations. You’ll hear things like how your ex has been asking about your well-being, whether you’re seeing someone new, and he/she has been reminiscing about the past. This is a sure sign the no contact rule is working.
2. Your ex is bitter: Your ex has either been sending you hurtful messages, posting negative comments on your social media, or saying bad things about you to your friends. Don’t take this the wrong way, this anger phase is one of the 5 signs the no contact rule is working. Your ex is bitter about being ignored, he/she wants your attention and is trying to get a reaction by throwing tantrums.
3. Your ex is stalking you: A sign the no contact rule is working is when your ex gets so curious about what you’re doing, he/she decides to stalk you online. He/she is constantly checking your profile, viewing your posts and in some cases, your ex will leave comments.
4. You’re in a good place: The best sign the no contact rule is working is when your self-love is through the roof. The no contact period is a time to grow as a person, to become a better version of who you used to be. Achieving this is a sign the no contact rule was successful, you’ll feel much more confident and happy in your own body, people will also be drawn to your energy and some will even ask you out on dates.
5. Your ex makes efforts to reconnect: During or after the no contact period, your ex will try to reconnect with you. He/she will reach out to you in some way or make efforts to try to rekindle the affection between you. You may receive gifts, loving messages, or bump into your ex more frequently.
What to Do After the 30 Days No Contact Rule
So the minimum 30 days of the no contact rule is over, you’re feeling better than ever and you believe you’re ready to reach out to your ex but you don’t know how? Well, no need to worry, here are the best tips on what to do after the 30 days no contact rule.
1. Be confident: The one way of knowing you’re ready to tackle your ex is when you’re soaring with self-love and confidence, if you’re still having doubts about your worth then it means you need to prolong the no contact period. When you’re confident, you don’t only feel it on the inside, it radiates on the outside and people are attracted to confidence.
Want to woo back your ex? Show him/her the amazing changes you have made, be confident and you won’t be swept at the pace of your ex or make the mistake of bending over to please them. You know your values and you’re confident enough to understand that if your ex can not appreciate you then you don’t need a relationship like that.
2. Break the ice: Once you’re confident, you can reach out to your ex if he/she hasn’t tried to contact you yet. The best medium to do this is through a text or an email, your message should be short, sweet, and honest. Here are some examples;
- Hey Ex,
It’s been a long time since we last spoke, I’ve come to terms with how our relationship ended and I simply want to apologize for my behavior, I was very immature. I’m sending this text standing in front of Mama’s kitchen, the waiter who spilled spaghetti all over us just bumped into me and asked if your Gucci purse survived the ordeal.
- Even though we were together for a short period, it was some of the best moments of my life. I was scrolling through my Facebook and saw the photos of us at the beach, I still can’t believe you spent half the day trying to catch crabs! I understand we’re not together anymore but I’d love to catch up if you’d like that, we used to be good friends before we ever dated, I miss that.
3. Don’t get clingy: If your ex replies to your message that’s great but if not don’t pressure them by sending multiple texts, it simply means they need more time. If you do start conversing regularly with your ex, don’t get clingy, don’t text everyday or tell them every little detail about your life, keep it short, simple and irregular.
4. Get them to meet up: Once you’re back on talking terms, try to set up a simple outing with your ex, not a date just plan something you can both enjoy without there being any awkwardness, for example;
- Hey, I got extra tickets to the movie premiere of ‘Fantastic Beasts’, I know what a Potter head you’re, would you like to go?.
5. Have the talk: you’re spending time more often with your ex, things are no longer awkward between you and you’ve noticed signs of affection, so how do you seal the deal? It’s time to have the talk, find the right moment to talk to your ex about the future, express your desire to try again but don’t pressure your ex if they’re not ready to try again. This will take time and effort on your part to win their trust and affection.
When Does the Breakup Hit the Dumper?
Have you been wondering, when does the breakup hit the dumper, or perhaps when does the dumper start missing the dumpee? After all, breaking up with someone you love isn’t easy neither is moving on. Then here’s all you need to know about the breakup stages.
1. Stage 1: The first stage after every breakup is solace or relief. The dumper feels a weight has been lifted off their shoulders usually because they had been troubled about how to end the relationship. Now that it’s over they feel relieved, happy, and will want to enjoy their freedom.
2. Stage 2: The dumper starts to go out more, he/she will probably go out with a couple of people just to have fun or for a rebound. During this stage as the dumpee, you’re practicing the no contact rule and while you may feel the urge to know what your ex is up to, don’t.
3. Stage 3: When does the dumper start missing the dumpee? Well, it happens in stage 3, when nostalgia sets in. Your ex sees something that reminds him/her of you or their rebound relationship wasn’t successful as must rebounds usually aren’t, your ex starts to miss you and wonders why you haven’t reached out.
4. Stage 4: When does the breakup hit the dumper? When he/she realizes that you’re doing just fine without them. Your ex begins to realize that your relationship is truly over, the fact that you’ve cut off contact with them and are doing great is proof enough. At this stage your ex will start thinking whether he/she made a mistake, they’ll start to ask about you from your mutual friends or check your social media for updates on your life.
When Not to Use the No Contact Rule
There are certain situations when the no contact rule does not apply. Here are cases when not to use the no contact rule or when to break it off temporarily.
1. When you have children, work or go to school with your ex: In any of these situations, you’ll be unable to use the no contact rule but you can still use a form of it. The key is conversing only about issues at hand like the time to pick up the kids, issues relating to work, or school. Be as polite as possible, don’t ask unnecessary questions or be seen with your ex if it can be avoided.
2. When your ex reaches out: If your ex reaches out to you more than twice during the no contact period, you can temporarily break it to reply. Don’t get the wrong idea, just because your ex is texting you about how much they miss you doesn’t mean you’ll get back together, keep your response simple and polite, don’t ignore your ex cause ignoring may ruin your chances of getting back together eventually.
The reality is no matter how much you want to get back together with your ex, you need to give them space. The no contact period is not only for you, the dumpee to achieve personal growth but also for the dumper to sort out their feelings for you.
I hope this article has answered the question, does the no contact rule work if you were dumped? And any other questions you have, if you found this article useful, don’t forget to drop a comment here and share it with your friends.